March 2014

See her?

And her?

Can you believe she though she needed to trim her thighs?  She wasn't really happy with the way she looked.  She still had fat days.  

After being overweight my whole life, I was happy that I was finally skinny but, I didn't think I looked good enough.  I was a size 7, about 111 pounds with a 27.5 inch waist.  I still thought I wasn't good enough.  

In this picture I was sucking my stomach in because I thought I looked fat....

I had serious issues.  

• I was a size 7 but, it wasn't a size 5...
• I was horrified when I saw my weight on the scale jump too much...{I was afraid of becoming fat again}
• I weighed myself 2-3 times A DAY
• I could see my heart beating through my chest
• My hair was super thin

The weird thing is that I'd look at photos and I was horrified.  I knew that I was too skinny,  I knew I needed to gain weight, I knew that there was something wrong with me,but, I could shake off those feelings in under 30 seconds.  I could go back to rationalizing it all.  

Honestly I don't know why I'm writing this post.  I think that after 2 years I need to admit that I struggled (and still struggle) with a serious issue.  

This is a picture I took today. 

In this picture I see someone who weighs 30 pounds too much.  I see jiggly thighs, and a flabby stomach.  But, I see progress.  I see muscle, I see strength.  I honestly took this picture because I was happy that my upper body was starting to get as big as my lower body and I was starting to feel symmetrical.  

I have come a long way and I have a long way to go but, I'll get there, slowly and surely.  One day I'll be 100% 75% happy with the way I look {because I don't believe anyone's 100% happy with their body}.  But until that time I'll work towards my goals in a healthy way.